My Inner Thoughts

By Keketso Motale

After all the Mickey Mouse playing and following the masses you will have to heed to your true calling that may not be glamorous and fancy. You may and will have to listen to your inner voice and guide and allow it to lead you. You may have to remove and unpeel all these layers and layers of things you have acquired along this journey you deemed spiritual.

You will have to find yourself many people may not relate and shame you for it. Ultimately you will have to be your own light along your journey and stop living under the shadow of those whose light was meant to just show you the way. You will have to invoke your own light and your own wisdom to discern your own way. You will have to map your own path amongst the weeds to clear the path to enable those who are meant to guide you to find you. You will have to be your own shining star and the moon in the darkest of nights.

You will have to learn to trust your own voice to invoke and manifest light and clarity, and trusting that those who guide you are within an earshot and are always waiting for you to call upon them.

You will have no choice but to remember who you once were and tap into the memories buried deeply in your DNA for those who have come before to show you the path. You were meant to travel because it’s within you, you just need to remember it. Deep within you will be able to tap into memories of places and rituals the spirit that has carried the generations has travelled. For you will remember that you are no different it is through different times you have lived and are living. You will realise it is and was along the way the baton has been handed over and you have to run with it.. Some days it will be hard on others you will not even have the strength don’t be ashamed to admit you are tired to stop and gather your strength for this is not a race with anyone but a travel through time shaped and designed by divine order.

Yours is a journey that belongs to no one else but you, it may look similar to those around you but its yours its kept deeply in your psyche and soul you just need to remember who you are and have always been.

Almost a year ago for the first time I had attended my first overnight ritual of abogogo abakhalela inkane a night before intwaso (is a process initiates go through in preparation of the Initiation Ritual). I felt myself moving into a deep trance and any moment I tried to fight it the deeper I fell. I was somewhere in the rural areas there was fire burning and we were in the middle of the yard. There is drumming and singing, I see a big hut facing the east. Behind it are hills it is night time with the stars and moon illuminating. Behind the hills there is a river, a man has just ran and he came back with a huge snake it’s around his shoulders. In a deep trance he ran there and he came back with a snake, he’s still in a trance groaning and grunting. The memories are not mine I have never been to such a place but he has led me into ocean mouths with us crossing to the other side, as we walked through the mouth I asked him who he was and he told me his name…

These are my memories and mine alone, some of the places I have managed to reach while others are nothing but a distant memory.

My spirit remembers it all.

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