Published: Mon 17th July 2023
Birth of a Healer
by Verona Spence-Adofo
It’s taken years of frustration, internal reflection and healing to reach the level of clarity and insight that I’m about to share. My 13-year journey with Ancestral Voices has been a path of self-discovery and one with many unexpected turns.
Ancestral Voices was formed in 2010 when Dalian and I set up our first online presence (Facebook) sharing wisdom about African spiritual philosophies. It was inspired by our own journeys that left us so motivated by the wisdom we came into and were compelled to share. By this time, we had already started filming our first documentary, Ancestral Voices: Esoteric African Knowledge and were due to release the film in May 2011.
6 weeks before the film screening launch date, I gave birth to our first child. It was a magical yet overwhelming time and being diagnosed with low iron levels compounded the issue even further. Between exhaustion, night feeding and generally balancing the responsibilities of life, I felt like I wasn’t equipped to deal with all that was required of me. That whole period (which lasted several years) felt like being lost in a fog of confusion, operating on autopilot.
The situation escalated when we started to do the research for our second documentary, Spirit is Eternal. The scope for this film was much deeper as we were expanding on the continuity of the teachings found across cultures within the African continent as well as the Diaspora. It was a massive task and required a lot of reading. I was already struggling with my existing responsibilities and this was another load on my plate. However, what quickly became apparent was my lack of ability to retain information. During the research process, whenever I attempted to read a book I would literally forget the knowledge contained within it. The issue persisted until Dalian decided to do the research himself.
I felt awful, I felt like a failure and a burden. I felt like I was failing at motherhood, failing at being a wife. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. Simply reading a book was a challenge. By this time I had already received my Ifa divination to find out that my Orisa was Yemoja. This made it even harder for me, as despite historically always having strong connections with children, I didn’t feel like I naturally embodied the role of a mother.
I went through years of self-loathing, worry, insecurity and anxiety. I even thought I was cursed as; I couldn’t understand what was happening to me but was conscious that something was going on. I felt restricted like something was blocking my blessings. I loved the work that we were doing at Ancestral Voices but I pulled away. I didn’t want to give interviews or do workshops as I felt like I would make a fool of myself and look stupid. So, I stayed behind the scenes and avoided putting myself out there. This slowly ate away at me, knowing that I was erasing myself from something I co-created because I felt that I was unable to live up to the role.
A moment of clarity
It wasn’t until 2017 during a ritual meditation at home that I would get clarity on what I was experiencing. The message delivered was the reason why my memory was taken away was so that I would learn to listen solely to my intuition. That when I speak, I’m not meant to repeat what I’ve learned from books, but to speak from the heart, to speak from the internal wisdom contained within. In that moment I could literally feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders. All the years of stress, worry and self-loathing were released as the information resonated with every cell in my body. Suddenly everything made sense, in that moment for the first time in years I felt free.
In the following years, I began to slowly creep out of my shell. Expressing myself through writing articles, attending speaking engagement events and through video form. It wasn’t easy as I had spent so much time convincing myself that I wasn’t good enough and not qualified to do this work.
It’s only recently that I’ve been able to add more pieces to the jigsaw puzzle to understand what had happened to me.
Life initiations
I’ve always known that life carries its own initiations allowing us to come into new ways of being and gain greater understandings through learning various lessons. However, it took me several years before I would make the correlation that the pregnancy process intensified my connection with the Orisa Yemoja.
The energy of Yemoja is found in the element water and is associated with rivers and the ocean, represented as a life-giving source, associated with motherhood, pregnancy and birth. It was literally post my birthing experience, that I noticed a whole shift in myself. Suddenly, I didn’t feel like the same person anymore. I seemed overly sensitive and became overwhelmed easily. I went from being an extroverted person who was sociable and loved meeting people, to wanting to rest and spend more time alone.
One of the attributions to Yemoja and the element of water in general is emotions. This loving primordial essence has love for her many children. Yemoja’s empathic nature is expressed in the way her waters flow without restrictions, just like emotions are meant to flow. This is the reason, during this period, I entered a high state of emotional sensitivity that had not existed previously. This initiation into motherhood was bringing forward new gifts, gifts that at the time felt like punishment.
This new level of emotional sensitivity left me feeling extremely vulnerable, everything felt like an attack, any comment or constructive criticism was painful as I FELT everything so deeply. I also became aware of other people’s moods, started disliking crowded environments and got triggered by loud noises. My boundaries were completely removed and I felt emotionally exposed. Coupled with the fact that my ability to retain information was removed, I was totally stripped of my identity, only leaving my emotions. The concept of dismemberment is a common theme throughout Indigenous cultures across the globe when it comes to the idea of initiation. What I experienced was very much in-line with this concept, as I was stripped bare and was left to put back the pieces.
It took a long time before I could start to manage this situation and eventually gain a new perspective. It started by self-forgiveness, acknowledging what I was feeling and allowing myself to express those emotions freely. Eventually, implementing things such as breath work, incense/oil burning, water cleansing, setting boundaries and other strategies which helped to reduce any sensations of anxiety which were a symptom of the hypersensitivity. Over time, it was revealed that what I saw as weaknesses about myself, such as my empathic nature, were part of my gifts. I had spent so long beating myself up about not remembering things, that I had not realised that, simultaneously, my intuition had become a lot stronger, my perception was clearer and I also became very aware of symbolism and how it would appear in my life, particularly in my dreams and throughout society.
Yemoja and the element of water in general are tied to the notion of intuition (inner knowing), that whole experience I went through stripped me of my ego and allowed me to focus solely on what was happening internally. Through the process of taking an honest look inwardly, away from external distractions, I was able to finally listen and hear the voice within.
Called by the water Spirits
Whilst doing the researching for a presentation on water through the lens of African Cosmologies, I came across the following information…
Throughout African and Diasporan spiritual traditions there is a widely known understanding that whilst all people can venerate water spirits, (the spiritual energies that reside in various bodies of water), their spiritual priests and priestesses are spiritually chosen. These spirits are known by various names, including collective terms such as Mami Wata or Inzunza, or individually, including names such as Olokun (Yoruba), La Sirène (Haitian Vodou) etc.
Those who are “called by the water spirits” have been reported to experience issues such as the following: frequent dreams of seeing snakes or dreaming of water, mental health issues, ill fortune, depression, infertility and money problems.
I have no doubt in my mind that this is what I experienced. In my case, it felt like ill-fortune, as it seemed like nothing was going right. I can also relate to the financial issues too, as within days of finding out I was pregnant, my job where I had worked at the time for 5 years decided to cancel their contract with me. My whole life had changed in so many ways simultaneously.
Historically, those who were chosen by the water spirits were taken to traditional healers who would identify and resolve the issue by setting up a shrine or through the process of initiation. Ultimately, the understanding is that the matter would not be resolved until the person accepted the call. This calling is one that runs in the lineage and those who are chosen by the water spirits tend to be the healers in society, treating issues such as mental illness and fertility problems.
Aligning with purpose
The last few years have been like a re-birthing process as I learn to own my gifts, honour my voice and share the knowledge that is channelled through me. It’s not been an easy process. However, I can see that the more I embody the essence of Yemoja by no longer restricting or doubting my inner knowledge, the more I feel at peace and my life has become calmer. Through doing consultations and healing sessions, it’s become clear that all these years I have been resisting what naturally comes easily to me. I love this work and finally, I feel like I’m living in alignment with what I’ve been called to do.
My resistance to my natural calling is what created prolonged feelings of turmoil. Since surrendering to this path, releasing the feelings of shame & fear and learning to speak my truth is constantly opening new dimensions within me. Each day feels like I gain deeper insight into myself.
I’m still in the process of balancing my relationship with the water energies, but I am enjoying watching the journey unfold as I allow myself to be a vessel of healing and just like water, I am embracing the natural flow.
I share my story to highlight that our life experiences, especially those that challenge us the most, contain vital lessons and teachings that enable us to remember the purpose of why we are here.
May you have the strength during these troubling times to observe the lessons and awaken to your purpose. Asè.
Verona Spence-Adofo (Ancestral Voices Co-founder)
Verona offers one-to-one consultations if you would like to book a session please click below
